call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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