Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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