have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
