she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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