I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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