I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize