I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
