Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
