dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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