Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
