I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
