I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
