TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
