Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
