Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize