The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
