she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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