i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
