I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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