Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
