i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
