So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
