MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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