Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
