So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
