and you said cock pushups were impossible
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
