I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
