Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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