I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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