So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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