I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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