You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
