Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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