i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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