so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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