its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
