so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
