Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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