at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
