I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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