Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
