I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
