Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
