I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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