My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
