omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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