So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
