My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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