hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
