Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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