I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
