and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
