people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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