The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize