btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
