So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
