dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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