my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
