She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
