Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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