I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
