I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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