The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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