That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
